“At fourteen years old, Derrick Broze was secretly cutting himself and battling the demon of self-hatred. Within a couple of years, the attacks on his body progressed into abusing his mind with an abundance of drugs and alcohol. On this self-destructive path, he was also doing damage to nearly every young woman he encountered in an attempt to find true love.
After spending the better part of his first two decades of life drowning in depression and desperately desiring to connect with his drug-addicted, imprisoned, and mostly absent dad, Derrick found himself being pulled into the same world of drug dealing and criminal activity that had ensnared his father.
Before he knew it, he was hooked on crystal meth, cocaine, and Xanax—and indebted to a local drug kingpin. As he attempted to navigate the drug business and a maze of lustful relationships, he began to realize that he was not finding happiness in his drug-fueled, chaotic mess of a life.
Soon enough, he would find himself arrested and continuing the “family tradition” of spending time behind bars. It was in this space of losing his freedom that he began his journey towards healing his trauma, understanding his mental health struggles, and uncovering his spiritual path.
Table of Contents
Introduction
Prologue: November 16, 2005
Part 1
Chapter 1: Goodbye Childhood
Chapter 2: “X” Is for Ecstasy
Chapter 3: The Summer of Mayhem and Love
Chapter 4: A Slice of My Heart
Chapter 5: Blacking Out
Chapter 6: Almost, But Not Quite
Chapter 7: Hello, Crystal Meth
Chapter 8: Are You Even Enjoying Yourself?
Chapter 9: Evicted
Chapter 10: Hollow Dreams and Dead Hopes
Chapter 11: In Love and Tweaking
Chapter 12: Final Days
Chapter 13: Sober(ish) But Not Yet Free
Part 2
Chapter 14: Sentenced to Change
Chapter 15: Let the Healing Begin
Chapter 16: Getting to the Root
Chapter 17: Mindfuck
Chapter 18: Free At Last (For Now)
Chapter 19: Mindfuck: The Sequel
Chapter 20: The Summer of Love and Psychedelics
Chapter 21: One More Chance to Change
Chapter 22: It’s Over
Part 3
Chapter 23: Finally, Finally Free At Last
Chapter 24: I’m a Drunk—Again
Chapter 25: Sierra
Chapter 26: Waking Up
Chapter 27: Leaving It All Behind
Chapter 28: Coming Home
Chapter 29: I Forgive You
Epilogue: The Fire Burns Bright
Acknowledgments